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TheOnion

  1. Johnson & Johnson Introduces 'Nothing But Tears' Shampoo To Toughen Up Newborns onion.com/ryWcEV #OnionChildren
  2. Aztec Extremists Cut Out Visiting Pope's Heart onion.com/dp7wvI #OnionRevenge
  3. Commentary: Perhaps I've Been A Little Too Tough On Crime onion.com/9FlEki #OnionCrime
  4. David Freese Swarmed In St. Louis By Hordes Of Swooning, Average-Looking Women onion.com/skX7UL
  5. Series Of Serial-Killer Killings Rocks Serial-Killer Community onion.com/8XdjkH #OnionCrime
  6. Local Man Vows Revenge Against Atlantic Ocean onion.com/bijuU0 #OnionRevenge
  7. Weird Kid Shines During Dissection Project onion.com/sLYvY1 #OnionChildren
  8. RT @theavclub: .@st_vincent drops into the Hotel Delmano to discuss and perform "Surgeon" for #AVOneTrackMind avc.lu/tl3LAy
  9. New Homely Doll To Improve Self-Image Of Young Girls onion.com/bVsGEo #OnionChildren
  10. Kevin Kolb Lands New Job Where He Isn't Booed And Tackled As Much #OnionGOOMF onion.com/sMMJfd
  11. NEWSWIRE: Third Time The Charm For Man Trying To Eat Skittle Off Of Moving Model Train onion.com/s9kFop
  12. Sept. 5, 2007: iPod Touch debuts in response to complaints that screens aren't getting smudged onion.com/vaIyer #iPodHighPoints
  13. Victim Of Mall Shooting Determined Not To Die In Yankee Candle | The Onion - America's Finest News Source onion.com/b0xnts
  14. Jan. 18, 2003: iPod dock no longer makes tiny scream sound effects while charging onion.com/vaIyer #iPodHighPoints
  15. My Revenge Will Be Rushed And Unfulfilling onion.com/b4Xyr3 #OnionRevenge
  16. Mar. 27, 2002: Nelly receives free iPod in some bullshit gift basket onion.com/vaIyer #iPodHighPoints
  17. Neighbors Believed Murderer Only Capable Of Rape onion.com/cPI2US #OnionCrime
  18. Mar. 25, 2002: The iPod wins the endorsement of an influential group of silhouettes onion.com/vaIyer #iPodHighPoints
  19. Jan. 23, 2002: "iPod" replaces "creative nomad jukebox" as the generic term for an MP3 player onion.com/vaIyer #iPodHighPoints
  20. Infographic: The iPod Turns 10 onion.com/vaIyer